Picture this - a couple, deeply in love, building a life together. However, when it comes to managing finances, one partner is disinterested, leaving the other to shoulder the burden alone. Sound familiar? Engaging your spouse in family finances is not just about balancing the checkbook. It’s about creating a stronger, more secure future together. You can foster trust, enhance communication, and work towards shared financial goals by actively involving both partners in financial decision-making.
How Did I End Up Doing This Alone?
It’s not unusual for one spouse not to be that interested in the family finances. Perhaps they lack confidence in financial matters and defer to a more financially savvy spouse. Maybe they had previous negative experiences with money; or perceive financial responsibilities as overwhelming or tedious. Oftentimes, one spouse has another heavy responsibility, such as childcare or caring for an aging parent, that is a higher priority. But leaving the management of household finances to one partner can be disastrous for the partner who isn’t in the loop should their partner die or become incapacitated.
The Benefits of Joint Financial Management
Managing your financial life together can build trust and transparency. Sharing financial information promotes honesty and openness, and joint decision-making ensures both partners have a say in financial matters. Joint financial management also strengthens communications and teamwork via regular discussions that foster understanding and alignment, while collaborative budgeting and goal setting promote a sense of unity. All these things can result in reduced financial stress and increased financial security. Shared responsibility lightens the burden on one partner, and joint planning enables better preparation for emergencies and future expenses.
Working Towards a Level Playing Field
Change always begins with open and honest communication. Express your desire to work together towards financial well-being and listen to your spouse’s fears and concerns without judgment. Money is like sex: we don’t talk about it enough, but we should. It may take some time for you both to become comfortable expressing your desires and disappointments. But exercising patience and being gracious towards each other can pay dividends in your relationship.
If your spouse shies away from participating in financial decisions, it might be due to an imbalance in financial literacy. Often the spouse or partner taking the lead on managing the finances simply knows more about the topic. This imbalance can create friction in two ways: One spouse will defer to the ‘expert’ or the ‘expert’ may struggle with patient communication and shared decision-making because they believe they know best.
So take steps towards empowering your spouse through shared learning experiences. This can look like offering to listen to a podcast or audiobook on financial literacy together. Perhaps you both could attend a workshop or couples retreat focusing on money matters. Discuss short-term and long-term learning goals as a couple and break down those goals into manageable steps to create a sense of accomplishment.
At this early stage, it’s okay to delegate responsibilities by assigning specific financial tasks to each partner based on their strengths and interests. Set regular and consistent meetings to discuss finances, particularly values and goals, spending plans, debt savings, and investments. Over time and with regular reviewing and updating, these shared responsibilities will ensure both partners have an equal voice and carry an equal share in decision-making.
In the meantime, recognize that change takes time and be patient with your spouse’s progress. Offer support and encouragement throughout the process. Seek professional guidance, if needed. You could consider working with a financial advisor or counselor to navigate the enviable challenges. Professional guidance can provide unbiased advice and a fresh outside perspective.
Building Trust with Your Spouse
Perhaps more than any other factor, the degree to which you and your spouse trust each other will determine whether you can both work together on the family finances. As the saying goes, trust is earned not given. And trust starts with transparency. So here are a few simple suggestions to kickstart transparency and trust in your shared financial life.
Set-up a password manager (such as 1Password or LastPass) to securely centralize your financial logins and ensure both spouses have access.
Update your statement and communication preferences with your bank and other financial institutions to include both spouses’ emails.
Scan copies of important documents and save them in a secure cloud-based document storage service such as Dropbox or Google Drive.
Put important documents like wills and trust documents in a secure, central location, like a fire safe.
Conclusion
Sharing the family finances with your spouse will be challenging from time to time, but with the rewards of overcoming those challenges – both big and small – can be worth it as you build towards a strong, loving, stable, lasting relationship. Managing the family finances does not have to be all-or-nothing. There are countless healthy ways to come together as a couple on managing your family finances. It’s just about finding the way that works best for you while also ensuring a balanced, transparent, and equal share in the process.
WHWM is here to help you identify your priorities, develop a plan, and adjust along the way. Putting your trust in WHWM means working with WHWM’s Founder and President, Stephen Bodwell, a CFP® professional committed to helping you achieve your financial goals and big dreams. Take the next step towards getting what you want in life. Schedule your complimentary, no-obligation 30-minute consultation today.
Walnut Hill Wealth Management, LLC (“WHWM”) is a registered investment advisor offering advisory services in the State of Texas and in other jurisdictions where exempt. The information provided is as of the date indicated and is subject to change.
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